Episode 9: Put it on Green

Batman goes to question his greatest enemy on his involvement in current events.

            Batman stood at the balconied edge of Intensive Treatment. Extreme Isolation’s massive vault doors unlatched and loosened, gradually opening and withdrawing one of the tiny cells from it’s darkened pits. Warden Sharp stood by watching the cell slide toward the Batman, with a team of armed guards waiting behind him.

“Just say the word, we’ll put that animal down” he said.

            Batman didn’t react. He found such a remark below him. Joker wasn’t one to try and bum rush a bunch of guards, or Batman. He wasn’t going to take this as his one shot at escape. No, the Joker would use a one on one with Batman for something much worse.

            The cell finally arrived at the end of the track and it’s wheels stopped spinning. With a loud metallic bang the cell came to a halt, swinging gently from the remaining momentum. The only barricade between the world’s greatest detective and the clown prince of crime was a metal door, undone by a spinning dial.

“Need any help?” Aaron Cash asked, director of inmate escort.

“I’ll be fine. As soon as I shut the door, send us back.”

“You want to be locked back there with him?!” Sharp barked, confused and disgusted.

“Yes. And turn off AV.”

“Absolutely not!” Sharp continued. “Under no circumstances will I allow you to be locked behind bars with that degenerate without audio visual surveillance! It’s too dangerous.”

“Boss said kill the AV.” Cash said. “You kill the AV.”

            Warden Sharp sputtered indignantly. Being far too impotent to fire Cash directly, he had to resort to his usual sling of insults and petty squabbles.

            Batman spun the wheel and released the door from its seal. The thousand pound door began to collapse before him. He took two steps back and allowed the door to slam to the floor but inches before him. The room jumped and all guards pointed their guns as soon as the door let out it’s cataclysmic slam. The room fixated it’s attention on the monster hiding behind that door. Not a man dared make a sound, but silence was the last thing from their ears as their own hearts beat like timpani’s.

“Don’t forget to wipe your feet.” Came the voice from the cell. A cackling, maniacal voice that surrendered even the strongest man to fear.

            Batman stepped into the cell and nodded to Cash, signaling him to begin the release. Cash pulled the mechanical lever that lifted the metal door and two Arkham guards spun it back into place. After a wave and a nod the worker at the panel sent the command to return the cell to it’s proper place.

“Returning to sender, disengaging audio visual” said one Arkham guard as the cell creaked back into the abyss. They all placed their blind faith in the dark knight as he and the clown receded into Extreme Isolation. They had no idea what he could have wanted so bad as to speak to Joker about it, but whatever it is it had to be dire.

“Something big is going down, I can feel it.” One guard said to another. “Batman talking to Joker? Dark times are coming, dark times.”

“Pipe down back there!” Cash yelled out.

“Did you see Superman in here? What hell could get that boy scout in here?”

“Same thing that got him to stop the war in France?”

“I said shut up!” Cash scolded, whipping his men into line. “Eyes up! Batman needs you to watch for when he comes back! That’s all you need to know!”

“You tellin me you don’t feel it, Cash? Something’s up. It’s not just here, he’s acting different too.”

“All I know is Batman needs our help, and whatever form that comes in we gonna give it to him. Now keep watching.”

            Cash stared into the Extreme Isolation door, closing its last few centimeters before his eyes. He could feel it too. Something was brewing up, and he didn’t know what it was. But the last thing he needed was his men getting scared, so he did his best to keep up morale.

“Just keep watching. That’s all you need to know.” He muttered, hoping to God that was enough.

            Back in the cell, Batman and Joker rode the vessel wordlessly until it arrived at it’s starting point. The harsh metal walls did nothing to deafen the sound of grinding wheels and clacking gears, preventing them from saying a single word to each other. All they did was stare. Batman stood at his greatest enemy from his standing position. Barely inside the cell he stared at the neon-haired pale-skinned monster he had worked so hard to put away, smiling back at him with that same predictable grin.

            Joker stared at his greatest inspiration from his position, sitting on the edge on his wooden cot, his arms locked in the same straight jacket he’d been in for nearly a month straight. Batman’s suit was so dark he was nearly invisible in this tiny cell. He would disappear completely if it weren’t for the shine of his eyes, reflecting brightly from the sway and bob of the single fluorescent lightbulb in the room. Both figures minds filled with thoughts on how the meeting would go as the cell drew further and further into the bowels of Arkham. The entire encounter would be decided by who spoke first.

            Joker knew deep down that he was going to be the one to break the ice, but he always had to give the dark knight a chance to speak first. Maybe whatever brought him here would make him so desperate he would break under the silence. He laughed internally about that. Batman? Breaking under silence? That was one of his best jokes yet.

            The cell finally stopped moving and silence became so deafening it rang in their ears. Bruce began a countdown in his head. It should take 30 seconds maximum to turn off the audio visual surveillance. As soon as that countdown was over he was going to open his cryptographic sequencer and make sure nobody could see or hear what was going on. The timer hit fifteen when Joker finally spoke.

“You look good. Is that a new suit? It looks great on you.”

            Batman glared at him with that same “bat-look” he always does. His intensity didn’t change, he didn’t show any emotion, and he certainly didn’t say a word. He just kept staring with that same stoic glare. The countdown continued in his head. 7. 6. 5. 4.

“You know I just finished this book, it reminded me of you. I think you should read it. It’s called ‘Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents’ by Lindsay Gibson. It had some great things in there, and I assume your parents weren’t around much judging by how rude you are. Entering someone else’s home and not saying hello.”

“Who else shares this block?”

“Hmm? Nobody permanently. They bring calendar head around every two weeks, that’s it.”

            Bruce took out his cryptographic sequencer and flipped it open. He scanned the room for surveillance systems and accessed Arkham’s account. Their cameras were Wayne tech so breaking in was a sinch.

“You got games on yo phone?” Joker asked dismissively. “You and your gadgets.”

            Once the room was satisfactorily sound to Bruce, he put away the cs and took out a smart phone. He opened the photo album and flipped to relevant pictures. He began the questioning by jumping straight to the point.

“Superman has been framed for intervening in a civil war. What do you know about it?”

“Superman?” Joker replied after a brief pause. “Batsy, you’ve got the wrong guy.”

“Don’t play games with me. Tell me what you know.”

“Bats this might be hard for you to understand but I’ve been in a cage for two straight months, and a hospital for six before that. I didn’t even know there was a civil war. Who was it? Harvey finally run for president?”

“France.”

“France?! Batsy… I don’t know if I’m flattered or hurt. Since when have I ever cared about a bunch of baguette eating, child touching, black and white movie watching, tea drinking painting bangers? Much less Superman. Is that really what you came here for? I’m disappointed.”

“I am too. All this time it’s always been about you and me. Why do this to him?”

“You and I both know that if I was really involved, something MUCH worse would have happened.”

            Batman narrowed his eyes. There was no way to prove Joker wasn’t lying, but it all made sense. It wasn’t his M.O. Why would he care about a civil war in France? And Joker’s never been one for politics. The ramifications of Superman being considered politically dangerous were massive but they’d all have to start from this uneasy game that Joker wouldn’t even want to play. He took a deep breath and decided to switch gears. He turned the phone screen around and showed Joker the symbol the men had written on the white board earlier today.

“This symbol was seen on the back of a congressman from California. What does it mean?”

“That the radical left has taken over California? What is that, half a pentagram? So Californians aren’t just unoriginal, now they’re too cowardly to finish the job? Classic liberals.”

“You’re feigning ignorance to this too?”

“Bats, I don’t even know what I’m looking at. Your failed geometry homework? One of Amadeus’s mad scribblings? This has less meaning to me than a lower back tattoo of Hillary Clinton. Did you try Eddie? He likes these cryptic sort of things. Me? I much prefer the simple. You can get so much work done with a couple of drums of gas and a few sticks of dynamite. You don’t need three fifths of a Rubix cube tied to a bomb that’s written in Arabic.”

“These kind of complex plans have never been beneath you.”

“There’s nothing beneath me but the ground, Bats. But lets face reality here. What do this little doodle and your France situation have in common? What do any of them have to do with me? I mean think about it. Do you really think I’d go to all that trouble, stirring up political intrigue, making Superman look like a bad guy, drawing obscure tattoos on congressman, making everybody go CRAZY…and not make sure you knew it was me?”

            The room dropped into a petrifying silence. Even Batman couldn’t argue with how sound that argument was. This lead was dead. Joker had nothing to do with all this. It was time to give up. He didn’t even have the energy to threaten Joker anymore. What could he say?

            Bruce texted Cash on his drop phone and told him he was ready to come out. The cell started moving and Joker realized what was happening.

“Giving up so soon Bats? Really? I remember back when you cared, you wouldn’t have left this room until I was a greasy smear on your fist.”

“You’re not worth it.”

“Oh that’s right, my mistake, you only deal with global threats now. Like civil wars in France. Or madmen loose in Metropolis. Or yellow lantern rings.”

            Bruce’s rage began to build as the cell wheeled towards Intensive Treatment. He knew Joker was trying to provoke a reaction out of him, and God help him it was working. How did he always know just what to say to push his buttons? It was all he could do to shut his ears and block out the filth falling from Joker’s mouth. Joker waited for a reaction that wouldn’t come, and realized he had won. He had Batman exactly where he wanted him. All that was left now was to hammer it home. As the cell arrived at its location and the door opened, Joker continued taunting him.

“What’s the matter? AFRAID you might hurt my feelings? Don’t WORRY Bat-brain, you know we’re good friends! Come on, don’t COWAR away from me like that, what FRIGHTENS you so? Well don’t be a stranger! You’re always welcome here!”

            His laugh echoed through the metal walls like it’s listeners were trapped inside the Joker’s head. The cacophony of sadistic mirth and grinding metal gears turned the room into a gut wrenching sensory overload that drove out every guard in the room. Batman lead the exodus, overflowing with spiteful rage. He, Aaron Cash, Warden Sharp and all the guards but the two responsible for the clown left Extreme Isolation and didn’t look back.

            The Joker’s boisterous laugh exploded through the empty walls of Extreme Isolation all the way into the abyss. His cell arrived at the deepest regions where he was kept and his laugh finally trailed off. He allowed himself to naturally taper off into a chuckle, before he fell silent and listened to the room around him. He strained his ghastly ears searching for any noise whatsoever. The only sound he picked up was the hum of the fluorescent light. After listening to his satisfaction, the Joker spoke.

“He waited 30 seconds. You have less than that.”

“Then let’s make this quick.”